Broken, Yet Moving Still

It's amazing the power that music has in my life and the powerful memories and feelings that flood into my life from one simple melody. Sometimes it creates energy, helping me finish an 8 mile race. Other times is brings the spirit, helping me worship with conviction. It makes me laugh and cry. Every song a memory, every playlist a connected event, every lyric capturing how I felt, how I feel, what I hope to one day...

The other night I was with some good friends. We had a fun cook out, then we sat around the patio sharing parts of ourselves, answering questions - how dorky were you as a child? what's your favorite birthday memory? what movie makes you cry? what's your theme song? what song makes your heart hurt?

Tonight in the process of organizing my itunes music (maybe the question should be how dorky am I now?) I came across a song I hadn't heard since it was first introduced to me...and it made my heart hurt, really hurt. I'm still listening to it, like perhaps overplaying it will make it just another song, disconnecting it from the memory that is bringing the pain. It's a happy moment, maybe one of the best, and perhaps that's why it hurts.

It's hard to know that certain moments will never be the same. It's aches to remember moments where I was at my best, where I was who I wanted to be and wonder if I'll ever be there again. Will I be awakened and alive the way I was at that moment? Will I feel such certainty? Will it finally be right? 

I hope in that moment a new song will be playing.

And the difference will be I won't have to replay it alone.